Greetings humans and other sentient internet-using beasts! (I'm looking at YOU, octopi.) I, as you have probably noted, am a blue whale and, as a condition of my parole, it has been strongly suggested that I perform some kind of "public service." Of course, my first instinct was to eat an enormous amount of krill and ice cream and then swim up beside a whale-watching boat to offer up some precious ambergris. Surprisingly, the humans did not appreciate the gesture. So that's out. And also, I am out of ice cream.
I have decided instead to make my vast life experiences available to you, the reader, by taking questions and offering you guidance in any and all dilemmas on which you would like a whale's perspective. I think you will be surprised how much wisdom whales possess! Sometimes we are full of so much wisdom that it comes bursting out our blowholes!
So, send me your questions! Send them to answerwhale@gmail.com
Look: I've even written a jingle to encourage you!
AnswerWhale! AnswerWhale!
Solving all your problems with his great big tail!
Feeling down? Lost your job?
Did you get shot at a liquor store you tried to rob?
Did your girl turn out to be a male?
Then you'd better send a letter to the AnswerWhale!
Peace out!
-Parthenon
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